For some time now I have realized that I am a synesthesic person. I see everything in colors and shape when I think about a year, season, month, day and how I remember it.
Besides using google calendar I also have my own booking system so I can remember when I am supposed to do things. Unfortunately, I don’t have an inner alarm. But the shape of the day or color gets a bit ruined/gray if I have missed something.
And I get super easily triggered when I am listening to music and get inspired to draw and producing things.
I have different music for different times (I’m sure I am not unique in that sense) and I can really recommend listening to In Flagrantis latest album. I’ve listened to them now for over 5 years and they help me both in my daily workflow and to get inspired while drawing.
I’ve reached a point where I don’t really care about What I work with. The big thing to solve is How to work. How do I want my life to look like?
At this moment I am working both full-time + freelancing on the side. And for a period of time, it will be busy and intense. But it’s my learning period and the time to shape my future. I want to lead the change – for myself and whoever wants to join, please feel free.
I can’t change others, I can only inspire them to change. And I hope this is going to be enough.
I feel also bad that I am not writing as much as I would like to. I’ve been through a roleplay in the office at the moment and it’s been interesting times where I have also had the opportunity to learn something new about honesty.
I finally told what doesn’t satisfy me and my current position and so many people have changed their attitude towards me and also open up how they feel.
If my role doesn’t change, I am very happy what I have achieved with myself and inspired others to do.
I wanted to have a website. And I wanted to make it myself. In 2011, I started to touch upon websites and creating pictures that would appear as banners and when I was giving feedback I gave comments like “the order information is a bit strange” “change font immediately”.
I wasn’t aware of how HTML and CSS work. At all.
I started my freelance business and I had to promote myself now. A website had to be the answer. I downloaded Dreamweaver and had a package and I read up on “how to upload a website for free”. I didn’t know about how to host or buy domains.
I couldn’t get anything up and run and I had absolutely NO CLUE what I was supposed to do with the line of codes.
So I asked the agency who did the company’s website (where I was working) if they xpuöd help me and how much it would cost. They were probably the nicest two young guys who were also desperately looking for gigs to run. Small as big. They said they wanted 1000 Euro (max) for it. I couldn’t take it. I said it was too much.
Today I feel stupid when I think about it because I didn’t understand people’s time and value in their work. This means also for me. It takes years to understand what you are capable of and put the value on it and also be able to present it.
I still don’t have a proper portfolio-website but not because I don’t know how to make it or not being able to pay for it. I just haven’t had the time because I put my time into my clients. When it comes to my work I value the time into understanding the brief and present a proper concept.
I have never studied at university. Except for one summer, I applied for a course about space. I am not sure why I did it because I am not curious about space at all. When I was 5, my dad told me about this endless thing called space and he said “if you think about it too much you will go nuts” so I literally tried Not to think about space, so I wouldn’t go crazy. Which resulted with me thinking about it all the time and I already thought I was crazy. When my mom found it out, they had a big argument about what is appropriate to tell a 5-year old.
Back to the summer, I applied for a space course. Now I was around 21-22 and I went to the University to look for the classroom. I looked for it around 10 minutes and then I bumped into another guy who was also looking for the same course. Guess what? We didn’t find it.
We found another teacher who said they moved study-days from Mondays to Tuesdays. This is the closest I got to study at Uni. I walked out and I never went back.
Sounds like a shit story and that I am lazy and that any obstacle in my way makes me give up. I think it’s the only the half-truth. As soon as something is not working, I have this inner engine that starts automatically and I just gear up and try and find another way.
I don’t have a good ending to this story, really. And I really don’t understand what the human is doing out there and what the interest in space is about.